Joel Embiid is out with appendicitis. Appendicitis. The man has torn his meniscus, broken his orbital bone twice, dealt with plantar fasciitis, a torn ligament in his thumb, a calf strain, a sprained ankle, Bell's palsy, and now his appendix has betrayed him. At some point you have to wonder if Joel's body is just running a speedrun of WebMD.
I would like to formally offer my appendix.
It's in great shape. I've never used it. Honestly I forgot I had one until about twenty minutes ago when I read the news and felt a strange calling. It's been sitting there in my lower right abdomen doing absolutely nothing for thirty-some years, and I think it deserves a purpose. That purpose is helping the Sixers make the play-in tournament.
Some might say that's not how organ donation works. To those people I say: have you seen this team's medical staff? They once listed Embiid as day-to-day for three months. I'm pretty sure I could walk into the facility with a cooler and a handshake and they'd figure it out.
This is bigger than basketball. This is about a fan base that has endured The Process, the Kawhi shot, the Ben Simmons saga, the James Harden era, and now a franchise player whose body is systematically disassembling itself one organ at a time. We've suffered enough. I have a spare part. Let me help.
To be clear, this is a one-time offer. If next season it's his gallbladder, he's on his own. I need that one. Probably. I'm actually not sure what it does either, but I'm drawing the line somewhere.
Joel, my guy. DM me. Let's get this done before the play-in.
Trust the Process.